In the First Place

America is a continent not a nation. It has three parts—North America, Central America, and South America. North America has three nations—Canada, United States, and Mexico. The hubris of ignoring our neighbors to the north and south and calling the United States “America” is typical in the United States.

I have a solution. Let’s call the USA “Amerika,” as many did in the Viet Nam era. It only requires the change of one letter and the central government can issue stick-on “K’s.” We can apply them to our red baseball caps to “Make Amerika Great Again.”

Then we can get down to the serious business of erecting walls. There will be walls on the southern border and walls on the northern border higher than the Great Wall of China. That will keep non-citizens out of Amerika and, by the way, keep our citizens in. We will also need to build sea walls on the west coast, along the east coast, and at the Caribbean Sea to protect Amerika from rising sea levels. This will keep us from having to accept the reality of climate change.

There is the small embarrassment of Hawaii and Alaska, which will be outside the walls. I propose to relocate Amerikan citizens in those states back to the walled-in mainland. Then we can relocate Democrats to Hawaii and Republicans to Alaska, leaving Amerika to the loyal followers of President Trump.

The business of erecting walls will keep our citizens fully employed and our industries productive. Every citizen will be happy—a chicken in every pot and an Amerikan-made car in every garage.

I realize that President Trump has not yet proposed a wall on the Canadian border, but a recent article in The Guardian shows that the effort is well underway ( Don’t you feel greater with this news?

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